heart broken

read till the end

I think i’ve got a million comments about the last sentence, but that’s the entire point to the poem. You fall in love with the feeling of being wanted, you fall in love with the places you visit, the routine, and mostly you fall in love with being comfortable. You are there because you want to be able to love that person, but you can’t force yourself, and you won’t. The last sentence is what makes this so perfect. it’s honest and a twist that you aren’t expecting and I love that in writing. This is absolutely breathtaking and I cannot find the words to describe my adoration towards this beautiful piece of writing.

first hawaiian photoshoot

first week *check*

My first full week of college has officially been completed. Only 3 more months until I'm back home for Christmas time. I could not be more excited for all the time ahead of me. I've had so much fun this past week. Even though classes are hard, they're manageable. Except my English 101 class. The teacher graduated in April, he has no idea what he's doing, which scares me. Pray for me on that one, hahahaha. I still haven't done a photo shoot yet. It's hard when you're trying to manage making friends, balancing school, eating, and then trying to take pictures at the same time is really difficult. Plus, the hours here are so much shorter than back home. In Utah the sun would set around 8, here it's 6ish. So I'm still trying to be able to balance my time better. I still feel like I'm on Utah time, but I'm getting used to it. It's really hard for me to adjust to times.

So I went to the beach a few times this week, once with McCall Savage and her roommates, and the other time with Lacee Ellis, Eilene and Cody. Lacee cut her foot open on some coral, which was no bueno. She stuck it through though! On Friday there was a dance party thrown by the school, very appropriate. Yesterday night, September 15, there was an off campus party, not as appropriate haha. Cops came because the music was too loud, so we ditched around 11:30. College has been so fun, but I can feel the homesickness kicking in. But what do I know, I don't get homesick ever, so it'll be a new feeling for me. I'm just worried I'll get island fever (definition: feeling stuck and claustrophobic with no where to go on the island). I finally have got out of my comfort zone and have been eating at the Cafeteria now. They are feeding us dog food, I swear. Apparently they're not here to give us gourmet food, they're just here to keep us alive. How comforting.

I also got sunburnt on one arm, which sucks. I just scratched it, and that's when I discovered it. You can imagine how good that felt.

I miss my family and friends more than anything. My roommate makes me feel so alone, I can't even handle it. I just want to sleep all the time. But then I have to do homework. I'm just glad I've been finally making friends, and we've been hanging out a lot more and I'm acting going out of my bubble to do stuff. We went to the PCC and it was absolutely amazing, watching that brought back thousands of memories from my childhood. I used to visit the Polynesian Cultural Center all the time. I just never appreciated the men that danced back when I was little, hahahaha. I will marry a Polynesian boy, I swear by it.

Well, that was my week. For those of you who have been texting, calling, and Facetimeing, I'm glad I'm still on your minds. For other people, the one's who said who'd miss me, but never have even bothered asking me how I'm doing, you're really showing me what our friendship means to you. Note taken.

first day of class

today was my first day going to class as an actual college student. being one who is attending a BYU, you can understand why I was a little bit nervous. I only had two classes today, and the Professors (also known as Brothers and Sisters) seemed very nice. They made it far more comforting that it won't be as hard as I thought it was going to be. My first class was at 11, however, my darling roommate decided she wanted to blowdry her hair at 7 in the morning. Seriously? I'm asleep in here you know too? It's going to be a long few months. In between my two classes I had the chance to FaceTime my mom and my 3 little brothers whom I miss dearly. Leaving them was one of the hardest things I've ever done. So I'm glad everyone is doing alright!

Also, this morning, I got several emails from missionaries since I decided to write them as of last night. It was so good to hear from my cousin Mitch, and from a few others. I miss them all terribly.

If Lacee Ellis ever reads this, I want her to know how much of a blessing it is that she's here and I at least am very familiar with one person. She's great you guys! SO kind hearted and I love her.

It's hard wanting to go eat when there's no one to go eat with, so I've just been eating a Nutella sandwich in my dorm and drinking Diet Coke (I'm Satan).

Here's the beautiful sunset. I really wanted to load it on Instagram, however it kept glitching me out, so here it is :)

thousands of miles away

To anyone who thinks that it's easy moving thousands of miles away from everyone that you love and loves you in return, could not be more wrong. My family and closest friends mean absolutely the world to me. They've kept me grounded (in more than one way) for as long as I can remember. I miss them terribely. My mom only left me here yesterday to be here by myself, however it's felt much longer. Life will change for me so much over these next few months without them by my side. My family is my life. Even though my siblings and I never quite got along, I miss them more than they will ever know. I recently received a video from my family all saying, "I love you and miss you" and it really got to me. I will never be able to repay what my family has done for me.

I also miss my friends terribly. It makes me sad I didn't hang out with people more often. I really wanted to get to know people a lot better, unfortunately I never had that opportunity. To my friends that I had the opportunity to get to know better this year, I really am blessed to have them in my life. All my boys (Farah, McNall, Quezada, Willes, and Sorensen) it's weird not seeing at least one of you everyday. I just basically miss all my friends. Thanks for being there for me, and just become I'm across an ocean doesn't mean we can't still converse. Feel free to call, text, or Facetime if you ever have a problem, I'm still there for everyone.

Update on college: I'm all moved into my dorm, however, I still am decorating, I will upload a picture once I am finished. I think my roommate is warming up to me a bit now. We went to church together today, even though she gave me and my mother the cold shoulder the first several days. We are making progress though. I'm just trying to be as nice as possible without being rude. It's a Pitch Perfect doppleganger, I swear. The dorms are hot as hot can be. No AC and the humidity is killer. I don't know what I would do without my fan blowing on me where ever I am in my room. I hope I get used to it just as these locals do. It's a work in progress as well.

My mother and I by China-man's Hat before she left (last picture together) 

My father and I at the airport right before my flight to Hawaii (last picture together)

I wake up and my baby brother Carson hugs me and we both cry. One of my hardest goodbyes.

 my little brothers and I right before they had to be off to school. As you can tell, Carson is the only one who is crying, the twins just figure I'll be back, hahahaha.

 I don't think anyone will understand the significance of this photo. This is the first time that all of us were in the same room together (besides for church) for as long as I can recall. It was a special moment for me. I miss these girls more than they'll ever know.