disney princess' rapunzel and elsa

kener family photos on oahu, HI

self confidence

recently, I was told, how could anyone like me, if I didn't like myself? As harsh as that seemed, it made me realize how much I hated about myself. That I wasn't as skinny as I could be, that my acne was always ruining my face, that I wasn't as pretty or as funny as the other girls at my high school, or that I was almost always single. I figured, I'm never going to be good enough for anyone, because... well, I wasn't good enough for myself. But where did hating myself bring me? No where. It made me seem just like every other girl I knew. When did it become socially acceptable to hate your body more than to love it? Why can't I feel good about looking the way I look just because I'm not in a Vogue magazine? I don't have a thigh gap, and I probably never will. I've never been one of those girls that boys drooled over for attention. But why does that matter? They're boys! (No offense to the guys that might read this.) Girls need to stop looking for approval from guys, and that goes to guys as well! It breaks my heart how many guys tell me they're ugly! First of all, stop. It's not attractive to us just like it isn't attractive to you. Second of all, why does it matter what you look like? There is that special someone for EVERYONE. I am a true believer in that. Stop looking for approval in the opposite sex, because the harder you look for it, the more you will get your feelings hurt. Trust me, I've been fighting my thoughts on my self image for quite some time now, so don't think I don't know anything about it, because I truly know first hand.

so what are some ways to help you gain confidence? I'll tell you.

1. Work out. When you look good, you feel good.
2. Eat better. It will help your self esteem SO much even if you don't think it will, it will.
3. Smile. Not only will it brighten your day, but it will make others around you smile as well.
4. At the end of each day, write down something you think you did well. i.e I stood up for someone who couldn't speak for themselves.
5. Listen to music that makes you happy, not ones that make you want to shut yourself out from the world and cry by yourself in your room.
6. Love what you wear. When you look good, it changes the way you feel. This will make you confident with pre-sentencing yourself to society.
7. Walk with purpose. Walk like you have somewhere to be.
8. Make eye contact with the person that's talking or who you're talking to.
9. Next time you're at a party, meet someone new. The girl that looks like she's alone is a good place to start.
10. CLEAN UP. Clear out the clutter in your life. A messy room equals a messy mind.
11. Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus on your positive qualities instead.

These are just some steps to get you started, the rest is up to you. People tell you time and time again that you need confidence, because you do. Confidence is sexy and it makes people want to be you. You can become the most desired person if you had more confidence, I believe that with ever fiber of my being.

go out there and kill it.

not forever alone

“All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack.This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth?The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen.At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours.Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting.The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate.They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole.And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.”

-taken from Tumblr

heart broken

read till the end

I think i’ve got a million comments about the last sentence, but that’s the entire point to the poem. You fall in love with the feeling of being wanted, you fall in love with the places you visit, the routine, and mostly you fall in love with being comfortable. You are there because you want to be able to love that person, but you can’t force yourself, and you won’t. The last sentence is what makes this so perfect. it’s honest and a twist that you aren’t expecting and I love that in writing. This is absolutely breathtaking and I cannot find the words to describe my adoration towards this beautiful piece of writing.

first hawaiian photoshoot

first week *check*

My first full week of college has officially been completed. Only 3 more months until I'm back home for Christmas time. I could not be more excited for all the time ahead of me. I've had so much fun this past week. Even though classes are hard, they're manageable. Except my English 101 class. The teacher graduated in April, he has no idea what he's doing, which scares me. Pray for me on that one, hahahaha. I still haven't done a photo shoot yet. It's hard when you're trying to manage making friends, balancing school, eating, and then trying to take pictures at the same time is really difficult. Plus, the hours here are so much shorter than back home. In Utah the sun would set around 8, here it's 6ish. So I'm still trying to be able to balance my time better. I still feel like I'm on Utah time, but I'm getting used to it. It's really hard for me to adjust to times.

So I went to the beach a few times this week, once with McCall Savage and her roommates, and the other time with Lacee Ellis, Eilene and Cody. Lacee cut her foot open on some coral, which was no bueno. She stuck it through though! On Friday there was a dance party thrown by the school, very appropriate. Yesterday night, September 15, there was an off campus party, not as appropriate haha. Cops came because the music was too loud, so we ditched around 11:30. College has been so fun, but I can feel the homesickness kicking in. But what do I know, I don't get homesick ever, so it'll be a new feeling for me. I'm just worried I'll get island fever (definition: feeling stuck and claustrophobic with no where to go on the island). I finally have got out of my comfort zone and have been eating at the Cafeteria now. They are feeding us dog food, I swear. Apparently they're not here to give us gourmet food, they're just here to keep us alive. How comforting.

I also got sunburnt on one arm, which sucks. I just scratched it, and that's when I discovered it. You can imagine how good that felt.

I miss my family and friends more than anything. My roommate makes me feel so alone, I can't even handle it. I just want to sleep all the time. But then I have to do homework. I'm just glad I've been finally making friends, and we've been hanging out a lot more and I'm acting going out of my bubble to do stuff. We went to the PCC and it was absolutely amazing, watching that brought back thousands of memories from my childhood. I used to visit the Polynesian Cultural Center all the time. I just never appreciated the men that danced back when I was little, hahahaha. I will marry a Polynesian boy, I swear by it.

Well, that was my week. For those of you who have been texting, calling, and Facetimeing, I'm glad I'm still on your minds. For other people, the one's who said who'd miss me, but never have even bothered asking me how I'm doing, you're really showing me what our friendship means to you. Note taken.